Reflections: A Path Toward Accountability and Change

January 12, 2025 (6d ago)7 views

There are moments in life that define us, not because of how we handle them in the moment, but because of how we choose to grow afterward. I’ve made mistakes—some deeply hurtful—and I believe it’s time to acknowledge them, not to excuse my actions, but to take full responsibility and understand the harm I’ve caused. I hope this post helps me begin the process of healing, both for myself and for others I’ve hurt along the way.

The Pain I Caused

In 2018 and 2020, I sexually harassed two women. This is an undeniable fact, and I deeply regret the pain I caused. In those moments, I was selfish, disrespectful, and unaware of the lasting impact my actions would have on their lives. The shame I feel now is immense, but I know it’s only through acknowledging what I did that I can begin to do the necessary work to prevent such behavior in the future. I want to sincerely apologize to those women, though I know words cannot undo the damage I’ve done.

In 2022, I physically assaulted my uncle by grabbing him. This act was born out of fear, but that doesn’t make it justifiable. Fear can never excuse violence, and I realize that now. I deeply regret not handling my emotions in a healthier way and instead acting in a manner that hurt someone I love. I apologize to my uncle for my actions and the fear I caused him.

In the same year, I wrote a suicide note to my little brother. Reflecting on that moment now fills me with a deep sense of grief and regret. It was an act of despair that must have left him confused, hurt, or scared. I wish I had sought support or communicated my struggles differently. I’m working to process the feelings that led me there and to find better ways to manage my pain, knowing how much my presence matters to those who care about me.

In 2023, I attempted to take my own life. It was a dark and painful time, and while I survived, the experience left scars—not just on me, but on the people who care about me. I’ve since realized that I need to face my struggles head-on and seek help instead of succumbing to despair. I am committed to healing and finding ways to move forward with purpose and hope.

In 2024, I hit my mom. I can barely write those words without feeling deep shame and regret. My actions were inexcusable, and I deeply regret the harm and betrayal I caused someone who has done so much for me. I’ve been grappling with this every day since, knowing I must confront this wrongdoing and take accountability.

In that same year, I yelled at my dad in a moment of anger and frustration. The consequences of this have been far-reaching. I drove across the country to Seattle, hoping to escape, but now I’m homeless, struggling financially, and living in harsh conditions. This physical journey mirrored the emotional turmoil I was facing—running from my problems rather than confronting them. I deeply regret how I lashed out and wish I could have handled the situation differently.

A Moment of Truth

It’s easy to hide from our mistakes, to keep them buried in the dark corners of our minds. But those mistakes don’t go away. They shape us, whether we choose to face them or not. I’m not proud of the person I was in those moments. I hurt people, including myself. But this is where I am now: willing to face my wrongs, acknowledge the harm, and take the steps necessary to change.

A Commitment to Change

While I can’t undo the past, I can control what I do moving forward. I am committed to doing the hard work of learning from these mistakes, seeking God, and becoming someone who acts with more respect, empathy, and care. I know this won’t be easy, and the road ahead will be long, but I have to try. I owe it to the people I’ve hurt, to myself, and to anyone else who might be impacted by my actions.

I know that healing isn’t just about apologizing—it’s about living out that apology through consistent actions and demonstrating true change over time. I’m ready to take responsibility for my actions, make amends where possible, and, above all, never stop striving to be a better person.

Final Thoughts

If you’re reading this and feel hurt or betrayed by anything I’ve done, know that I understand if you can’t forgive me. The pain I’ve caused can’t be erased, but I hope that through my actions moving forward, I can begin to earn back trust and show the person I am capable of becoming.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. If you’re someone I’ve hurt, I sincerely apologize. I’m doing the work now to ensure this never happens again.